Another Book Review Part 1

I am halfway through my second book, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge. It is a little too psychological for me, but still interesting and insightful.

The first two chapters are laying the framework. It is natural for the child to have a void and go through the grief process. As a parent, it is important to be supportive, understanding, and to have open lines of communication.

The rest of the book is going through the twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew. So far I have read the following:

1. I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted. You are not responsible.

The book discusses as a parent it hurts to see your child hurt and sometimes the parent carries the burden. The book teaches to embrace the pain. One example given was a mother and daughter grieved together which brought intimacy between them.

2. I need to be taught that I have special needs arising from adoption loss, of which I need not be ashamed.

Some special needs of adopted children are emotional (adoption loss, fears of rejection), educational, validation, parental, relational, and spiritual.

3. If I don't grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you and others will be hindered.

The thing I took from this chapter and others is to try to be prepared for the questions that may arise. It gives examples of responses that facilitate communication.

4. My unresolved grief may surface in anger toward you.

It discusses how adoptee anger manifests and what can trigger it.

5. I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me how to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption and then validate them.